When Should You Ask for a Divorce?

Divorce is a lifechanging decision that few couples take lightly. If you feel on the fence about divorce, you're not alone. Many people wish to take the needed time to truly reflect on whether or not divorce is the right answer before moving forward.

While each marriage is unique, it’s no secret that every marriage has its rough patches. What is the difference between marital friction and signs that your marriage is simply over? Keep reading to learn 5 warning signs that it might be time to ask for a divorce.

5 Signs That Your Marriage Might Be Over

From couples counseling to temporarily separating, there are various options for couples besides divorce. While some of these options may help strengthen the marriage, for other couples, the results aren’t as successful.

Sadly, some marriages are simply beyond salvaging. The question is: How do you know when divorce is the right answer? Consider these 5 ways to tell if it’s time to turn the page.

#1. There is a lack of intimacy.

While a lack of sexual intimacy is often a telltale sign that a marriage is suffering, you may be surprised to learn that emotional intimacy is equally important in a relationship. In addition to sexual chemistry, emotional intimacy serves to strengthen a marriage and maintain a foundation of friendship and trust. While most (if not all) marriages encounter dry spells or rough patches, it’s important to be able to fall back on that foundational trust you built in the beginning.

If there isn’t a safe place to fall when the going gets tough, your marriage may suffer for it. Sadly, a lack of sexual, physical, and emotional connections can leave both parties feeling unsatisfied and unmotivated. If neither person is willing to acknowledge or work on the issue at hand, this could be a sign that your marriage is beyond saving.

#2. You no longer feel compatible, even as friends.

Compatibility is a crucial component of any relationship, even non-romantic ones. When we consider compatibility in romantic relationships, however, most people instinctively consider sexual chemistry. While this is an important part of a marriage, your compatibility as friends is equally essential.

As you know already, marriage is a lifelong endeavor. Even when the sexual attraction fades, staying connected as friends and teammates is integral to the relationship. If you're no longer compatible with your spouse as a friend, it's unlikely that you'll survive until the end of your days together. After all, no one should be forced to spend a lifetime with someone they once loved, but no longer like.

#3. You have differing views of your future.

You likely remember the honeymoon phase of dating your spouse. Did you and your partner talk late into the night about your goals for the future? Did you fantasize about having kids together, buying your first home, and finding your dream job while your spouse cheers you on from the sidelines?

There's nothing like reality to suck the romantic air from our sails. While this is a natural part of any relationship from time to time, it's still important to maintain shared visions of your future. Marriage is till death, and maintaining starkly different views of what you imagine the next several years or decades to look like can drive a wedge between partners.

Maybe someone changed their mind about having kids. Maybe your spouse no longer shares your dream of relocating across the country, or you no longer share your partner’s wanderlust spirit since you had children and instead want to cut back on traveling costs. Whatever the reason, having a fragmented picture of your hopes and dreams for the future does not bode well for the future of your marriage.

At the end of the day, both partners deserve to be happy and continue dreaming. We all deserve a spouse who is willing to share our dreams and goals for the future.

#4. You no longer argue.

While fighting all the time is certainly an issue, there’s something to be said about a total lack of arguing—especially if your marriage was already in dire straits. A lack of fighting may equate to a lack of caring or effort, which doesn’t bode well for any relationship.

If you find yourself keeping your mouth shut when you’re bothered by something, or you’ve noticed your spouse grinding their jaw but remaining quiet when things feel tense, this could be a sign that your marriage is beyond saving. After all, fighting (in moderation) is a healthy and natural part of any partnership. Failure to have tough conversations could indicate a lack of effort from both sides, and prevent you and your partner from growing both as individuals and as a couple.

#5. You dread quality time together.

For many people, date night brings feelings of joy and enthusiasm. However, some couples are prone to experience the opposite. If you find yourself dreading quality time with your spouse, this could be a sign that something is foundationally wrong.

Quality time is an integral part of any relationship. If you can't stand to spend quality time with your spouse, this could be indicative that your marriage is beyond saving. Committing to a marriage is committing to forever—and no one should be forced to spend time with someone they no longer like or want to be around.

We’re Here to Give You the Fresh Start You Deserve

Our skilled divorce attorney at Rubenfield Law Firm is committed to resolving family law disputes with minimal conflict and stress. For over 30 years, our hardworking team has served our clients in the Long Island area with personalized representation and professionalism.

We understand that family law matters are rarely simple. The decision to end a marriage should never be taken lightly, and we’re here to guide your steps on what can feel like a rocky path. You don’t have to fight alone. Rely on our experienced divorce attorney to provide the compassionate legal counsel and tireless advocacy you deserve.

Preparing for divorce in Long Island? Our team is here to be your trusted resource from start to finish. Call (631) 777-7200 to request a consultation.